Inbreeding leads to better MLBs

By Inbred Product

Sister Lover

Through extensive research, geneticists at U[sic]GA have concluded that inbred offspring turn out to be superior middle linebackers.

"It's amazing. With their one eye and deformed brain, they have a singular and great vision of the field," said geneticist Ulricho Olderman.

Testing many subjects, scientists say that most other positions could benefit from the mating between family members. Still, middle linebackers seem to reap the most benefits.

"It's just basic science, really. What can I say, U[sic]GA fans habit of committing acts of domestic violence really translates well on to the field," Olderman said.

The news has spurred many U[sic]GA fans to action, with many calling their family members to engage in unprotected intercourse as soon as possible.

"I called my sister Billy Jean, but she said she was already carrying our father's baby. So I called my first cousin instead. I know the situation is not ideal. The kid might not be an All-American, but I swear, he's going to be a helluva a ball player," said fan Billy Bob Smith.

Pushed for what would happen if the child was a girl, Smith was silent for a couple of seconds before responding.

"Well, there's always U[sic]GA cheerleading," Smith said.

This has rocked Georgia, with many deciding not to venture out into the real world to find a partner, but to stay at home for their soulmate.

Current recruits have lashed out against their parents for being born into normal and healthy families.

"I wish you were my dad and my uncle!" said recent recruit Johnny Bard during an altercation with his birth parents.

U[sic]GA has now began research on the effects of bestiality and how it may improve point guard play for their basketball team. They have had surprisingly good results.