Family reunions great place to find love

U[sic]GA is a great place for a lotta things: Animal loving, beer drinking, and learning how to grow me some crops. But it's not good at all for finding your life partner, someone you can truly love, who can pop out some pups, cook good squirrel and share your trailer home.

Now I know there are lots of drunk, available girls here to choose from any time you want something short term. But those girls ain't the right type for most of us good ol' boys, and besides, they all look the same even before you've had a coupla brewskis­-platinum hair, fake boobs, short tight dresses, tramp stamps on their lower backs...that ain't the kinda girl you wanna bring home to mama. She'll kick that girl outta the barn faster than the Dawgs lose football games.

But a good girl right from your own family-now that's a different story. I was at my big ol' family reunion last summer and got to drinkin' some kool-aid with my cousin Mindy. She's a real nice girl, raised up right by my aunt Polly, with real sweet manners jus like a lady and the purtiest smile I ever did see this side of sober.

Well, we gots to talkin' and had us a real good time cow-tipping later. I knew it had to be love cuz we didn't even kiss until three hours later. Them U[sic]GA girls usually try to jump you after three minutes; if they're sober, maybe they'll wait four minutes.

Anyway, the rest of the story is history, because next month, we're gonna get hitched at the family tailgate. It's great, cuz there ain't none of that she-don't-like-my-family or I-don't-like-her-family business.

Everybody in the family loves her and thinks she's a real good match for me, except for Cousin Billy Bob, I guess, cuz he had a thing for Mindy once and still thinks she's gonna come back to him one day. But if you ask me, he's not all that straight in the head, what with his mama being his papa's half-sister and all. Everyone knows it ain't good to marry really close relatives cuz your kids come out all strange and slow and stuff. True, Billy Bob ain't as bad as Uncle Bubba, whose mama really did marry her first brother, cuz he turned out really mixed up and still thinks he's a baby. We all gots to feed him outta a bottle and change his diapers and everything. You ask me, that's kinda gross.

But Mindy's real smart and I know we gon' make real smart babies who'll grow up and do dumb enough to get into U[sic]GA jus like me. But they'll probably have to come back home to find a good girl to marry-mebbe one of my sister Suzie Beth's kids; I hear she's expecting. Now won't that be sweet? What a way to continue the family tradition.