U[sic]GA switches over to picture book format

By Key Blur Elf

Chip-maker Extrordinaire

The U[sic]GA Board of Trustees recently enacted a switch from the ordinary "full-content" textbook system, meaning books largely filled with words, to a new entirely picture book format. Many passers-by have noted a change of atmosphere around the campus. There has been a change from the typical drunkenness exhibited by the vast majority of the student body to a surprisingly reserved and somewhat scholarly atmosphere.

Many local businesses have been hit hard by the sudden change. Bars and clubs are being forced to close down, due to a severly diminished crowd size on weekdays. Bookstores on the other hand are seeing a huge boom in sales. "We have never had this much business...actual business," said Alfred Herbert Smuckerstenier, owner of the Athens-Clark County Bookstore for Special Needs Children and U[sic]GA Students. According to Mr. Smuckerstenier, the only other time so many students have walked into his store were take advantage of his large supply of pepper spray.

"We have realized that our students just can't handle uh...uhm...uhm, oh yeah, long strings of words....," said Andre Greedo, U[sic]GA Dean of Students.

During an interview with the Dean we learned that this system would indeed lengthen the minimum time needed to graduate but under the previous "full-content" textbook system students graduated at around the same time anyways.

Professors are one of the greatest benefactors of this new system. "Now I don't have to stress over not being able to communicate on the same level, they can just look at the pictures," said I.P. Freely, a professor in the Yellow Snow Department at U[sic]GA. Class attendance and participation has also tripled.

A recent survey by the U[sic]GA Department of Student Apathy and Drunkeness shows that the new picture book system makes U[sic]GA's students actually feel like they are accomplishing something as they "progress" in their education[sic].

Local businesses are also adapting to the changing nature of campus. Restaurants and bars no longer will have menus with words. All menus are adapting to pictures only of the food so patrons coming from the U[sic}GA campus can more easily feed themselves. Bars will also just give out free samples to let patrons choose their drink.