Turf Trodders lose once again
Photo by Lambo Cowrissian / SHEEPISH PUBLICATIONS
The U[sic]GA Landscaping team fell once again in the mowing contest. This marks the third straight year the Trodders have lost to a species other than their own. Competition resumes in the spring.
By Turf Ferguson
Burt Reynolds Look alike
This past week our U[sic]GA Turf Trodders, a team of Agricultural Engineers, participated in an intense landscaping competition that pitted man versus beast. Competitors ranged from the Chic-fil-A cows to a team of Dolly the sheep clones. The event was simple: mow an acre of land. The Turf Trodders were the favorites of the competition, since they were allowed to use actual lawn mowers.
Despite a mechanical advantage, things started out poorly for the Trodders. "Well Jimmy Lou Winkle and Matty Redlin mistook our gasoline for their moonshine and ended up drinking all our fuel before the competition started, but that's the risk you take when your team consists of guys who were raised on grain alcohol distilled using old car radiators," said team captain Hermin Bush.
Soon, the remaining three Trodders encountered more problems. This year's competition featured fields with unusually tall grass. Hermin Bush explains why the high grass gave the Trodders so much trouble, "You see, normally Billy Cantor and his sister Thelma are our two hardest workers, but with that tall grass they got separated from the rest of the team, and you know how easy it is for two siblings to give into natural urges when left by themselves."
Upon discovering Billy and Thelma's indiscretion on the field, officials disqualified the Turf Trodders from the competition. "Overall, I'd say the event was a success," said Hermin Bush, "while we did get kicked out of the event, Thelma and Billy will be welcoming a new Trodder into the world in about nine months."
