Uga to undergo rehab for recent troubles
Photo by this crazy officer's friend George / WHAT WOULD JA
An officer detains Uga VI at a recent football game. Uga has been admitted to rehab to undergo treatment for his hard partying life.
By Beth Anne Phetamine
Toxicologist
This past summer the "it" thing to do in Hollywood was to go to rehab. Well Athens own little party animal is following in the footsteps of some of the great rehab-ers, such as Paris, Lindsey and Britney. Uga VI has decided it is time for him to get on the bandwagon and admit himself to rehab.
"We saw Hollywood stars become even more famous after their stints in rehab and figured it was time for Uga to increase his stock in the world of fame," said Leroy Jenkins, Uga's Caretaker.
Uga has been a staple of the Athens party scene for years. He was the first to introduce the drink the Barking Hooter Shooter as well as the tradition of relieving oneself on the bar.
"Yeah, we've seen him in the VIP rooms for years. Always seems to have his entourage. Personally I think rehab is an excuse to get sober, but whatever...we still support him," said Sorority Sue, a frequent bar patron.
Uga's partying life style all came to light last month when TMZ snagged some pretty revealing photos of Uga after the victory against Floride this season, The photos were posted all over the internet and even made it to Facebook.
"They told me photos were posted on the Information Superhighway. I drove up and downHighway 29 trying to find these photos, but it was too late. I guess someone had already taken then down. The damage had done been did though and the name of Uga had been smeared," Jenkins said.
The photos showed an inebriated Uga with four other females, ranging from pure breed poodle to just plain muts. It was clear that alcohol and maybe some tainted Alpo was the cause of the unfortunate incident.
But this wasn't the first incident. Uga has had many run-ins with the law. He has a record 354 citations at Athens football games. The Athens police consider him the biggest threat to Athens since Sherman came rolling through.
"After this all came to light I decided it was time for an intervention.," Jenkins said
Uga voluntarily admitted himself to rehab, just this past week. He is expected to stay for four weeks, then check himself out early like all the other stars do.
"We expect him stay until he "feels" he has done the time. Check out early then have to be re-admitted. That's what they told me everyone else does," Jenkins said.
Uga also plans to go to jail for around 90 minutes, so that he can write a book and maybe find religion, just like Paris.
"I see this as working in our favor. His status as a superstar will only continue to rise. We're already planning to do this again if his popularity ever seems to wane," Jenkins said.
Uga plans to attend the last game of the season, then enter rehab over the break. Athens plans on having a "Drink One for Uga" Day, where everyone will take a Barking Hooter Shooter since Uga won't be able to.
"It's kind of sad. but hey it serves as a reminder that we all may need a little bit of rehab in the coming years. We could all use a little intervention," Sue said.
