Media investigates celebrities, not politics

Say it ain't so! It sounds like Brit Brit has been dumped by her latest beau, Isaac Cohen. K-Fed would be celebrating, but he's too busy firing up his Grammy-prospective music career.

Each time I wrap up my biweekly trip to Publix, standing in line to add my frozen dinners to the checkout conveyor, innumerous tabloids scream in my direction with the latest happenings of the Hollywood universe. "Norah Jones: I Was Told to Lose Weight for Movie," says People magazine, and "Britney Spears' On-the-Go Wardrobe Change."

Rarely do I fail to chuckle at the absurdity of the bold, capitalized text, but not because the content itself is humorous. Instead, I ponder why people lend that sort of "investigative journalism" any value.

While some people may find it fascinating that Lindsay Lohan was caught wearing conflicting colors while filling up her car, I can only wonder how there was no other news of greater importance. Why do people trouble themselves with the intimate details of complete strangers?

Perhaps they do not consider such celebrities to be strangers; after watching Geraldo Rivera's E! True Hollywood Story, I would probably know more about his past and present than I know about my lab partner.

I would guess that this infatuation is not the fault of the general populace. With such a huge media machine covering news of the rich and famous, it takes an active effort not to keep up with the latest status of Brangelina's relationship. When Anna Nicole Smith's death was covered in excruciating detail nonstop this past weekend, Congress could have declared war on Switzerland and we would all be none the wiser.

Sometimes I wonder if celebrities deserve the sort of treatment they get from the press. Most actors and musicians make an active decision to enter a world that has no secrets. They must know to expect a bit of stalking and candid photography once they reach a certain level of fame. It seems that the most extensively covered celebrities actively pursue their place in the news, either by bringing attention to themselves or by associating with other people who do. In that case, they must realize that there is no on/off switch within the press.

I'll admit that not all celebrity news is worthless. It matters when music artists announce a tour schedule, or when a new movie trailer is released. This is information that has the potential to affect me directly, whether it means beginning the search for concert tickets or making movie-watching plans. On the other hand, if Scarlett Johansson starts dating Justin Timberlake, does that mean I should change some aspect of my life? Should I start dressing differently to get her to notice me?

Perhaps we lend more credence to this sort of news because it truly does represent some of our media's best efforts to produce investigative journalism. While many bash the media (and rightfully so) for covering stories based purely on sound bites and buzzwords without getting to the meat of a story, celebrity news proves to be an exception.

How else would we know that Julia Roberts has given birth to twins but for the relentless pursuits of People magazine, who were likely stalking around every nearby hospital for weeks in advance, waiting for any sign of such vital "breaking news."

What offends me is not the fact that celebrities are stalked for tabloid headlines; nor am I bothered about being given more information about the world in general. What offends me is how so many man-hours and other resources are wasted to bring me information like this.

For the most part, the articles that appear in such tabloids provide no benefit to humanity except to keep curious minds busy, while much more important information goes unrecognized and unheard by the masses.

What if the checkout lines displayed headlines like "Bush's Korea Plan Is Surprisingly Clintonian," as Slate.com recently put it? How much more effective would our democracy be if all those muckrakers spent their time studying policy and translating it into terms that we can all understand? We would certainly be more educated voters.