President fails intro arithmetic course

Institute Communications released news today of President Mike Adams' recent attempt and failure at taking Arithmetic 101, a freshman math course. With several weeks to go, instructor John Smith said there was no way Adams could pass the course; he failed every single test.

"I just can't do it. It's not fair, making kids suffer like this. Hell, even grownups have trouble multiplying sometimes. In my opinion, this kind of coursework is way too challenging for a U[sic]GA freshman trying to get adjusted to the rigorous classes and social activities at college," Adams said.

Adams failed each of four tests that students are given in Arithmetic 101. They test various skills such as counting, addition, subtraction, multiplication and long division. Some of these skills, according to Adams, are not necessary, since he "obviously didn't need them."

Smith, on the other hand, believes that U[sic]GA students are behind those in every other university in the nation.

"That's because I've taught at community colleges and they have harder stuff than Arithmetic 101. We just barely touch on algebra, a skill usually taught in grade school," Smith said.

Adams said big changes were going to be made soon. Smith's course is unfair to U[sic]GA students given their academic backgrounds, according to him.

"It's about time we made the classes easier and gave these kids a break. There just isn't any excuse for this. There's no telling how far the professors might push them if unchecked," Adams said.

"I ain't here to learn," said Ima Ho, second-year Alcohol Issues major. "Everybody knows this place ain't nothin but a good place to party. Classes get in the way of my social learnin'."