Brain Train project stops short of Athens

It has recently been reported that the new brain train will not extend all the way to Athens as previously thought.

"We were planning on having the train go all the way to Athens until we realized that we couldn't find a single brain in the city or on the campus," said project planner Ben Dover.

The planners realized the mistake when the rails started bending as they neared the Athens city limit. "The tracks refused to enter an area of such stupidity. It's the darndest thing I've ever seen," Dover said.

The new plan for the track will have the rails loop around Athens and head back towards Atlanta. "We have to get the riders back as quickly as possible before they catch the stupidity that runs rampant in the area," Dover said.

The Center for Disease Control has put a quarantine on the area stating that anyone going near the area is of high risk of become stupid and incestuous. "We don't know what can be done. There isn't a cure for stupidity, yet. We have researchers working around the clock to find a cure, though," said I. M. N. Fected, spokes person for the CDC.

If the CDC cannot find a cure for the people of Athens, legislators will have to pass measures to eradicate the area and start over with people who know how to read and write.

"We is trying hard to get better," said University [sic] President Mike Adams. "Unfortunately, I can't keep my hands off my sister long enough to learn how to read."

"I want to learn how to read, but I can't concentrate and play beer pong at the same time," said Ima Idiot, a fifteenth year Alphabet Major.

The university [sic] is looking into ways to educate its population such as putting Hooked on Phonics lessons on beer bottles, however nothing seems to work.

Once a cure is found, the brain train project promises that the rail line will enter the Athens city limit. Until then, people are advised to stay away from the area at all costs.